A Day in the Life of Joe Republican
>Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with
>water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is
>clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal
>fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his
>first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily
>medication. His medications are safe to take because
>some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their
>safety and that they work as advertised.
>All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his
>employer's medical plan because some liberal union
>workers fought their employers for paid medical
>insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his
>morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe
>to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws
>to regulate the meat packing industry.
>In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo.
>His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient
>and its amount in the total contents because some
>crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he
>was putting on his body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The
>air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist
>wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from
>polluting our air. He walks to the subway station for
>his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him
>considerable money in parking and transportation fees
>because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable
>public transportation, which gives everyone the
>opportunity to be a contributor.
>Joe begins his workday. He has a good job with
>excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid
>holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union
>members fought and died for these working standards.
>Joes employer pays these standards because Joe's
>employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.
>If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll
>get a worker compensation or unemployment check
>because some stupid liberal didn't think he should
>lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.
>Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so
>he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally
>insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal
>wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous
>bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great
>Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage
>and his below-market federal student loan because some
>elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government
>would be better off if he was educated and earned more
>money over his lifetime.
>Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father
>this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets
>in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest
>in the world because some America-hating liberal
>fought for car safety standards.
>He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third
>generation to live in the house financed by Farmers'
>Home Administration because bankers didn't want to
>make rural loans.
> The house didn't have electricity until some
>big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't
>belong and demanded rural electrification.
>He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His
>father lives on Social Security and a union pension
>because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made
>sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't
>Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns
>on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying
>that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He
>doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have
>fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys
>throughout his day.
>Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government
>liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a
>self-made man who believes everyone should take care
>of themselves, just like I have."
From John Sands, via email, 9/5/04.