A Day in the Life of Joe Republican

>Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with

>water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is

>clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal

>fought for minimum water-quality standards.  With his

>first swallow of coffee, he takes his daily

>medication. His medications are safe to take because

>some stupid commie liberal fought to insure their

>safety and that they work as advertised.


>All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his

>employer's medical plan because some liberal union

>workers fought their employers for paid medical

>insurance - now Joe gets it too. He prepares his

>morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe

>to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws

>to regulate the meat packing industry.


>In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo.

>His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient

>and its amount in the total contents because some

>crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he

>was putting on his body and how much it contained.


Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The

>air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist

>wacko liberal fought for laws to stop industries from

>polluting our air.  He walks to the subway station for

>his government-subsidized ride to work.  It saves him

>considerable money in parking and transportation fees

>because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable

>public transportation, which gives everyone the

>opportunity to be a contributor.


>Joe begins his workday.  He has a good job with

>excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid

>holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union

>members fought and died for these working standards.

>Joes employer pays these standards because Joe's

>employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

>If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll

>get a worker compensation or unemployment check

>because some stupid liberal didn't think he should

>lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.


>Its noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so

>he can pay some bills.  Joe's deposit is federally

>insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal

>wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous

>bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great



>Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage

>and his below-market federal student loan because some

>elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government

>would be better off if he was educated and earned more

>money over his lifetime.


>Joe is home from work.  He plans to visit his father

>this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets

>in his car for the drive.  His car is among the safest

>in the world because some America-hating liberal

>fought for car safety standards.


>He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third

>generation to live in the house financed by Farmers'

>Home Administration because bankers didn't want to

>make rural loans.


>  The house didn't have electricity until some

>big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't

>belong and demanded rural electrification.

>He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His

>father lives on Social Security and a union pension

>because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made

>sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't

>have to.


>Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns

>on a radio talk show.  The radio host keeps saying

>that liberals are bad and conservatives are good.  He

>doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have

>fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys

>throughout his day.


>Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government

>liberals ruining our lives!  After all, I'm a

>self-made man who believes everyone should take care

>of themselves, just like I have."


From John Sands, via email, 9/5/04.